listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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