Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She's the barista slut.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
