I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize