My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
