I just saw a hot homeless man
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
