A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
did i walk over a car last night?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
