Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
