My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
