she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize