Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
