so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
