I must be too annoying 4 u.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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