I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
