It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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