Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize