so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize