I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
