Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
