Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
