Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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