Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
