I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
