bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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