that's an acceptable place to lick
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
