It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
