i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
