Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
