if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
