This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i've created a new STD.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
