Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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