do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
