Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
