This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
