That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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