So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
