I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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