why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
