I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
