please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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