Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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