Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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