Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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