So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
