I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
