Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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