I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
