no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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