i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
