someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
