i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just tell him i said nine months
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
