Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
