WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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