I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
