I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
