i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
