how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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