I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
