Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
