Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
