my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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