Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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