once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
ttyl tear gas
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
