why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
