I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
