we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
