He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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