He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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