Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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