I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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