Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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