The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
