you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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