It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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