you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have fence marks all over my body
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
